it may seem like it at the moment, but its not the end of the world.

does anyone else worry about grades?isnt that what were taught to do our entire lives? that to be able to make it in the world, we must do good in high school college and graduate school, so we can have decent jobs. i mean with that kind of pressure on us id say that yes, when i see a bad grade i cower in fear for a while, about how my future could possibly pan out now.
I made a 40 on my calculus test.
not only is that what i consider an undesirable grade but it absolutley mortified me! i seriously almost cried guys. thank heavens my teacher drops the lowest test grade. im just going to have to start buckling down and hitting the books!i still havent told my mom by the way. :]
but im chill now, although, allow me to further educate u on what all rides on passing this class.
Apps regulation is that all transfers must have at least 30 credit hours (for a sophmore) and a GPA of 3.0 before i can even go there. so i need to make a good grade because if i fail it will put me at 27 credit hours, and no telling my GPA, PLUS my mother has kindly paid the fee for reserving a seat, which is no small price.
its time to get serious.
college is alot different than highschool
for example, my calc teacher doesnt take up home work, so its hard to motivate myself to do the homework since i know there wont be any immediate consequences to it. but let me tell you the long term consequences are FAR WORSE.
so if you are a horrible procrastinator like i am, get it together!because altho life is great, the economy is a race for survival, and those who survive, usually have degrees.
wow that was a harsh analogy lol but you know what i mean. i am in the process of self discipline to do my homework, it really is for my own benefit.i think i will start going to the library immediately after class so i wont forget about it.
good plan.
lets see how this works, but for now all i know is that i have to pass calc.
which is sad that one class could potentially be my demise, almost.
other than that im alright :) Kevin and I are registered at three places, and i know we will be fine! he moves in next weekend, to his apartment, and shortly after this school year will be over, and i will have a job to raise money for various needs, including a honeymoon! i have several ideas in mind, and not enough space and time to put them into action. but i feel confident that my God will take care of me, he always has, and i dont think he will ever stop, there have been times when i thought my life was ending, but then i realize that hey, its not the end of the world.... (although if it was that would be ok since heaven is awesome!ive heard)

just a thought...

alright, so today is sunday.

this morning i was in church, and the pastor said something that really caught my attention. Ive heard it before many times but today it got to me.

"you only love God as much as the person you like least" he was referring to the fact that Gods will in our lives is to love Him, and also love people the way he loves them.

i dont know about you guys but im sure we can all think of at least one person were not that fond of. for me, this person has never striked me as someone i would get along with. so you could say that i really dislike them. which makes me heartbroken to think that i only love God as much as this person. i cant help but try to figure out ways to get over my problem with them.

sometimes its hard to view people as children of God, and have a heart for them when they just arent someone u want to be around...I honestly think that im going to need the Big Mans help on this one. which is ok since he is almighty!

it will require some effort and be difficult at times but ive decided that the next time i see this person i will be nothing but friendly and caring towards them. and I will pray for strength to not only tolerate but learn to embrace this person. so youre prayers will be useful too!

i know we all have people like this in our lives, so i encourage you to befriend an enemy!

boredom

Do you ever have days when you are so completely bored? whether you may have some small things that you need to take care of or not...thats where i am. come join me! seriously. Ive been doing nothing for the past two hours except for alternating between the usual web pages i browse daily.
it is a day when i have nothing more to do, i honestly dont know what to do with myself. theres noone for me to hang with, and so that marks out everything on the list that you must do with friends, like shopping, and such. plus i have no money, so i couldnt buy anything anyway. i could watch a movie i suppose...although ive seen all the ones here about 3 times each...i could read but i just packed up my book yesterday in an attempt to avoid having alot of things to take home at the end of the year ( which is about 18 day away( not including weekends) right now)
my wedding dress came in monday! so thats good...um... gah...im sitting here just listening to music...i really wish i had more close friends here... not that i have no friends, but i am very picky as to who i hang out with as good friends, i think everyone should be.
haha this boredom would be so dead if i had like 100$ i could just waste. well i wouldnt waste it, it would go towards Kevins apartment, u know, decorations and such well idk more like appliances haha, yep a hundred bucks would be pretty sweet right about now. i desperately need a job, but its so close to the end of the year it would be practically pointless anyway.
it dangerous for me to be alone and bored like this lol this week i had a calc test and lab, those were the main things to get through, and they are over now. so...idk. if i werent on this salad diet i would treat myself to a cheap mexican dinner... maybe thats what i will do in two weeks when its done... yes guys im so bored i would go to a mexican restaurant all by myself.
i mean technically i could start on my book report. and if my teachers loved me at all they would have made it due for monday so i would have motivation plus something to do or at least start on today...i am a very bad procrastinator... its not a good habit, but i mean come on the book report is due the very last day of class...idk maybe ill take a look at it.maybe.
other than being bored tho, i am extremely blessed :] dont get me wrong, not everything works out perfectly for me. at least in my eyes. but im sure there are people who need the things i want more than i do, things like scholarships and a job, and friends. lol just kidding, friends are wonderful to have. anyway yes i am very blessed. as i look around me i see an ipod, an awesome purse, textbooks, a bed, and of course a computer, now im not saying that material items are what you need in order to be happy at all, clearly i cannot take them to heaven with me, i also have a loving mom, great fiance, and some amazing friends. really, i have nothing to complain about... some people have to work two or three jobs just to support their families, i bet they would like to be bored sometimes... see? this is why i think i decided to start blogging, not that i knew it then, but i get on here and sometimes try to talk about how my life isnt great, but then once i start typing i come to the completely opposite conclusion.
so im going to go find something to do, and hopefully remember how blessed i am next time im this bored :) byeee!

chalking the sidewalk

this has been a fun weekend!
let me just give you a rundown.
friday i came home, spent an hour with my loving fiance, then he went to work and i spent time with my mom around the house. when kevin came home from work we started watching sherlock holmes, it was wonderful, we had a "movie night" so sweet. saturday mom went out, tony went out,and kevin went to work and i was home alone alot of the day my best friend kirsten came over and we watched the disney channel! she left and Kevin came home from work and we watched couples retreat, both movies i have mentioned were pretty good btw!
anyway so today. Kevin and i went to church, he had to leave early for SAY IT WITH ME. work. lol let me just say tho that i am really proud of him for becoming a part of the praise band :)
anyway i went over to the church where hopefully my wedding will be held. and put in a request to reserve the church.then caught up with my cousin for a while. ive been trying to track down pictures for a photo contest at school.i grabbed my lil bro and we were off to find pollution!haha thats the category.
so we ran around, then came home, i visited kevin at work, and then me and tony went to Elk shoals. where the sun felt nice lol altho the breeze was a lil too much for me, anyway we found this big stick, id say it was 8 ft tall or MORE lol and we also saw kevins mom and two sisters! lots of pics! so when it started to get darker, we packed our things and left. we came home and enjoyed some of moms rice and corn! now we are all having down time, and kevin gets off of work at 8 :)
Im very thankful for Kevin, hes been there for me and loyal. I really couldnt ask for a better man to spend the rest of my life with...I know from experience that guys like Kevin are very rare. which is why i appreciate him so much. I honestly feel like it is in Gods will for my life to be with him. which is a good thing that were getting married!
anyway life seems pretty great right now. but doesnt it seem like that can change in just a matter of seconds? just this morning i heard that someone i knew had died. given that she was older. but still it seems that life can be here one day and then gone the next, its crazy... very strange to think, actually think about. it doesnt scare me. In fact, sometimes i wish Jesus would come back, so i could go to heaven, where there is NOTHING to worry about. i think about that, and then i realize that im alive for a reason, so until that day comes i will enjoy life, trials, and beautiful relationships, and all. to fulfill my purpose here, love my close ones, and live to the extent of my ability.

thunderstorms

i love thunderstorms.
they are so powerful, i see them as another gift from God.
they remind me of when me and Kevin were a new couple ( like 3-4 months), we would just sit out in his car and listen to the thunder, watch the lightning and the famous sound of rain hitting the top of "the boat", and talk about how aweshum storms were.
there were thunderstorms in hickory today :)
i dont know why, but they make me feel really calm. which may be odd since it is anything but calm outside during one. My test is tomoro morning, and even tho i have no idea how my study habits will pay off this time around, i am still calm. maybe its because tomoro is friday and i get to go home sweet home :]
i met with my advisor today, and we talked about my FUTURE, it seems so far away, but i know it will be here when i blink again lol anyway she was very helpful in my quest for understanding. understanding that instead of med school i need to go to optometry school, when here i was thinking they were the same *blush*
thank goodness i met with her then lol so i didnt spend my next three years preparing for med school and then realizing that that was the wrong way. although i believe you cant be fully prepared for anything you dont already know about. how could u?
these are just some thought before my precious 8 hours.rain makes me sleepy... and regardless of what that clock says below this post it is almost ten so im off to bed. night!

mom

first of all, before i get started let me just say that clearly the clock on this blog is messed up, because no i dont go to bed at 6:30 which is the time it says the blog was posted, haha when i say relatively early i dont mean a 6 yr olds bedtime haha
OK
This one is for my mom :)
Have you ever stopped to think about just where you would be without your mom? (to those of you who dont have a mother i am sorry, so substitute "mom" in for whoever has had the biggest impact on your life growing up) ive only ever had a mom in my life, i mean my dad was there for a few years(but not really most of the time at all) he was not a good dad, which im ok with. because my MOM has been there, taken care of me and my brothers, given us more than she could afford to sometimes im sure. so back to the original question, have you ever really thought about it? as young kids we often take moms for granted, like we deserve all teh things they give us because their our mom, so its their job.
but it goes way beyond that for me now, i moved out of that mentality when i was about 8th grade i think. i guess one day i realized that i was not the perfect child lol and that you know what? mom puts up with a lot of crap from us kids! i gradually gained more and more respect for mom by watching her, while she made decisions like buying us clothes, or buying herself clothes, it was always us, and truly moms put their children before themselves.
i think it starts as a baby, we are helpless. and so naturally our moms do everything for us right? Even now in college i still depend on my mom for things, advice, life lessons, and learning to cook! although being a girl, not having a dad was prolly easier on me than my two brothers. i mean what do little girls do??? they dream of a wedding and being a wife, and having kids. well things that are on that to-do list to prepare us include, learning to clean, learning to cook, and learning to love. whether it be something as small as not starting a fight over something frivolous, being the person that just gives you a hug when nothing else could help, or learning to love and care for someone with your whole heart. ultimately is what moms do!
for example, my mom lets my little brother play video games sometimes even when she wants to watch tv, my mom is the one who i went to when i experienced being broken up with for the first time, and really her hugs do make me feel better :] because i know shes been there and gotten through all that. So i say THANK GOD for moms! i wouldnt be the person i am today without mine (literally and all the other meanings as well lol)
little boys on the other hand, are taught to be strong, learning to fish, play sports, and become dads. my brothers didnt have a dad that they could learn from, so im sure without noticing it they were prolly lost for a few years...anyway my grandfather graciously started spending time with them which i am very thankful for, hes a good man, which is very hard to find these days. he took them fishing and such and even after that i think Rafael tried helping Tony along. which i love, thats what family is for :)
but back to mom, moms love unconditionally, i think its just part of being a mom. if you have two parent that are still together and have a good relationship you are VERY lucky, but i think having the absence of something that is supposed to play such a huge role in your life can really humble you. i mean clearly there is usually only one paycheck coming in, and a family with three kids and one paycheck...budgeting is definitely a must. But, my mom is very heroic in my eyes, something that i should really tell her more often. she did a wonderful job with us and stuck with what she knew was right, i mean she practically gave up a social life just so she could raise us properly. now that we are growing older tho im not too opposed to that lol
anyway my point being that good moms are the closest thing to a super hero we really could have in the world. they are nurturing but firm, and will always be there.
Thank you God, for my mom :)

on the radio

I WAS ON THE R A D I O today!my first time lol and even tho all my words didnt come out right, i was still pretty happy about it!today has been good, started my salad diet, studying for my test friday is eating up time for working out, or maybe im just being lazy lol, yeah...thats probably it.anyway i hope to be visiting the gym tomoro! other than this test, this week should be pretty smooth. im a little worried about my calc teacher seeing as how he hasnt been able to come to class for a while now...anyway before i left back for college this morning i spent some nice time with my Kevin :] hes so great, it felt almost like when we were first dating, cuz the sun was shining down on us :) nothing can be substituted for genuine face time i believe. i suppose skype is second best and actually talking is third, which is sad because this day and age most ppl just text :( i mean i understand that its more convenient(well not while driving obviously), but which are you going to remember more? you know?FACE TIME DUH, lol i know ppl are busy, but i really enjoy just being able to see someone and carry on a nice conversation and being able to reach out and touch them to better demonstrate my meaning. haha thank goodness God doesn't have a cell phone and is too busy to actually spend time with us right? can u imagine trying to call him with something big on your heart and getting a busy tone? No, my God always has time for each one of us, that idea in itself is amazing, because it is like Him having infinite amount on lines but no one ever has to be put on hold! although when you are talking to Him He is only focusing on YOU at that time. it really goes way past our small windows of comprehension i think, which i love, because if we as a human race really had everything figured out there would be no reason for anything, definitely not the field of study im trying to go into, medicine is always changing, and sometimes change really is good!
i personally am one of those people who like to rearrange things every once in a while, i mean i do alright with routine for a while but sometimes u just need a change. whether it be a random little vacation, taking a route u usually dont to work or the gym or where ever, or rearranging furniture so its like you live in a whole new room. Dont get me wrong, not ALL change is a good thing. regardless tho after a change has been made that doesnt necessarily suit your fancy its prolly best if you try to get along the best way u can.
so anyway it is almost bed time, i dont have a curfew no, but i do like to be in bed relatively early for a college student anyway. Im a grand fan of sleep haha goodnight.

what a day

so yesterday me and my friends went to grandfather mountain. we also were taking another friends little brother along, it was a confusing situation. Anyway this little boy was 7 years old, and boy was i tired when i got home lol. i'd never been before so the whole experience in itself was pretty new to me. my favorite part was definitely how hard the wind blew over the swinging bridge! anyway we went a few other places after that, just trying to eat up time til we gave justin back to his mom. i didnt mind him tho, it was pretty refreshing to listen to him and the way he thought. today i go back to being a grown up haha aka college. test friday, so studying will be key this week, and also getting back into my workout routine, and maybe a salad diet, i dont know yet. anyway motivation is going to have to be present! the good news is that i only have about one month left at college! and then i will be a sophmore! i really dont have much more to say. so ill see how today goes and maybe be back here tonight. i find that its much easier to blog about what happens when it happens, so i probably should have written about grandfather mountain yesterday when all the thoughts and emotions were still in mind. o well...i was worn out. i think thats understandable :)

sunshine :)

Today is Easter.

It was a wonderful day, i spent the morning worshipping at church with my fiance Kevin :] we came back to my house and i helped my mom make Easter lunch, which turned out great. When Kevin went to work i took a short nap and then tony and i went to fish in the park. We weren't very successful but the sunshine felt so good on my back and legs that i didn't mind a bit. This was truly one of those days when you just sit back and appreciate everything that was ever given to you, you feel in love with the sky, and all the beautiful nature around. Then you begin to feel small, like you are only a tik in time.

I love that feeling, its reassurance that God is in control of my every move, and that He has ALWAYS been in control. Even now, as it begins to get darker out, there is a cool breeze coming through the window and i feel calm. and even though i have some pretty huge-seeming decisions to make within this next year when i really take a look at the big picture, it will all be trivial in the future. I believe worrying is an instinct, and really how can you not worry when you realize that the next big choice you make could lead you down a completely opposite path than what you originally desired? That's scary! I have to tell myself to sleep on it sometimes, or else i will get stressed, and that's not healthy for anyone. Anyway my point is that days like this are a great reminder that not everything has to be taken care of THIS MOMENT, not to encourage laziness, but just saying that sometimes it really is just best to stop and smell the flowers!

easter egg hunt

I went to an egg hunt today, my little brother and i had a plan. it seemed flawless, and we were just sitting around waiting for the egg hunt to start. Watching all the kids getting prepared by standing at the very edge of the area covered with eggs, we were sure that they would annouce when the hunt was about to begin.

Then, out of nowhere a man yelled GO! and all those children stampeded up the hill. We didnt have a chance haha, all those eggs were snatched up before me and tony could even run over there! Although he still went up into the woods with everyone else, i felt defeated already. i was regreting wearing flipflops, and ultimately forgot that the spirit of easter egg hunting is not to try and see how many little kids you can beat to eggs, it about having fun! so i stepped carefully up the hill, and walked around with tony.

True i didnt find a SINGLE egg :) but a had fun spending time with my brother. He did end up finding a special egg that won him a prize. It was hidden well and his patience paid off.
As i consider all of these events, there are many lessons i got from it. Firstly, you must be prepared for anything lol and being closer to the action is prolly best just in case youre called early. Secondly, dont give up just because someone got a lead on you, there is still a chance!and thirdly, take youre time, you just may find something great :) life is beautiful, there will be times you feel like trying is worthless but God knows what hes doing, and trust may be hard to give but it truly makes your relationship with Him (as well as others) stronger, take a trust fall sometime, youll land in his hands.

starting on a whim

I have decided on becoming a blogger, I'm not sure why, but i think it will be very interesting. Maybe it will be fun to look back on what ive written. Im not expecting many followers, I dont know many bloggers, maybe a couple. This isnt a journal i suppose, actually, im not really sure how this whole thing works. What i do know,however, is that God is wonderful, and it was a beautiful day :) Anyway if anyone reads this please, i am open to suggestions!