unreal

and in a little more than one month so many things in my life have turned completely upside-down
i am single.
i have experienced feelings recently that are very foreign to me...
and that i hope to never feel again.
so no more wedding planning,budgeting,or kisses even
but i consider all these things as one big learning experience.
and learn i have!
and so with that, i pick the pieces of me back up and connect myself again.
yes, i needed to find myself again,
i had become someone i didnt even know, much less someone i could be proud of.
God has helped me through this part of my lifes journey, as he always has but especially nights when all i could think to do was cry and pray for his guidance in my uncertainty.
one thing i am certain of is that no matter the mistakes i have made, GOD can and will make me like new again :)

Behold, I make all things new.

-Revelation 21:5
My God has the power to do anything. and that is a unexplainable reasurrance.
Healing from this all will take time, but i am going to give everything i have back to God, put my life, and my decisions back into his hands.
Any mistake any of us humans could ever make, can be forgiven by an unconditionally loving God.
And i dont know about you, but that makes ME smile :D

summertime...and tha livin is easy...fish are jumpin, and the cotton is high.

o your daddys rich and your ma is good looking.

lol

that was from my ninth grade chorus class.

anyway.

i LOVE summer.

its good not to have really anything to worry about except maybe a job and trying to get plans together with my 5 best friends.

because getting six people together all at once is harder than you would think lol

im missing some friends from school tho.

but still, its great to be home :]

trying to get things together for the budget of bills, wedding, and honeymoon.

hoping to have a yardsale soon.

Kevins birthday is saturday <3>

:)

so summer is great!

except right now it really doesnt REALLY feel like summer

since its raining and thunderstorms everyday,

but i love summer rain :)

so i guess its okay

for now lol

however if this is all it does tile the end of august, i will be quite sad

anyway

it feels good to have survived my freshman year of college

now to get things together for app.

but other than these things i love how unbusy summer is

i mean

i make it as busy as i want lol

which is good.

and convenient

lots of cleaning to do lol

well, im not sure what else to say, cant really think of anything big going on

other than my awesome yardsale coming up!

peaces

People Need People/People Change

I have come to the realization that as independent as

i may want to be i will always eventually need help.

Help from people stronger than me

smarter than me,

sometimes in a better mood than me,

and of course God.

This recently came up in my life, and i have found out that there are some truly wonderful people in this world,

For example:

My tutor and friend Katie.

She very selflessly agreed to helping me with my calculus.

and so

my last test grade was a 87!!!

And another example,

Kevin has just moved into his apartment, and we have people who have given him almost a whole furniture set, and a futon from another.

I mean when anyone is starting off its just helpful to know that some people are genuinely there for you and hope you succeed.

My friend Demetrius helped me unloft my bed, a task that would have taken me hours.

All these people i mention have just been so up for helping, it makes me want to cry to think God has given me such wonderful people in my life.

And as i was thinking about all of mine and Kevins blessings, i couldnt help but wonder whether or not i would be right there just as willing to help out if asked...

I would like to think so...

I cant be a calculus tutor, obviously,

i cant help people with strength needed tasks

and i dont have furniture to give to people...

but there are ways i can help!

i wont list them, but

there are ways EVERYONE can help eachother

People need people.

Even getting married,

thats what wedding showers

and house showers

and baby showers

are for!

some things just cant be done alone.

and its good to understand that.

Sometime we just need a level head to talk to about things going on

Thats my wonderful mom.

She gives the best practical advice!

Also, people change.

I'm sure we have all known people

who we go way back with ,

and dont see for quite a while

and the next time we meet them

they are completely different from what we remember.

Am I right?

People change, sometimes right in front of us

my problem is that I feel like everything should always stay the way it used to be. so when i see this kind of change, its a little down-heartening for me.

unless the change is one for the better, but im mostly referring to the opposite.

anyway ive been thinking about that lately and altho it is hard to deal with for me sometimes, I cant really do anything about it except be the same old me.

Ive changed too.

This first year in college has aged me in more than one way.

And im sure there are people who when they see me notice my change.

But i can honestly hope that its not bad.

Change is inevitable.

No matter how hard you try to stay,

its all around you

all the time.

I didnt mean for these two blogs to contradict eachother if u think so.

They are just two of the many thoughts that have been floating around in my brain of late.

I just decided to put them together :)

it may seem like it at the moment, but its not the end of the world.

does anyone else worry about grades?isnt that what were taught to do our entire lives? that to be able to make it in the world, we must do good in high school college and graduate school, so we can have decent jobs. i mean with that kind of pressure on us id say that yes, when i see a bad grade i cower in fear for a while, about how my future could possibly pan out now.
I made a 40 on my calculus test.
not only is that what i consider an undesirable grade but it absolutley mortified me! i seriously almost cried guys. thank heavens my teacher drops the lowest test grade. im just going to have to start buckling down and hitting the books!i still havent told my mom by the way. :]
but im chill now, although, allow me to further educate u on what all rides on passing this class.
Apps regulation is that all transfers must have at least 30 credit hours (for a sophmore) and a GPA of 3.0 before i can even go there. so i need to make a good grade because if i fail it will put me at 27 credit hours, and no telling my GPA, PLUS my mother has kindly paid the fee for reserving a seat, which is no small price.
its time to get serious.
college is alot different than highschool
for example, my calc teacher doesnt take up home work, so its hard to motivate myself to do the homework since i know there wont be any immediate consequences to it. but let me tell you the long term consequences are FAR WORSE.
so if you are a horrible procrastinator like i am, get it together!because altho life is great, the economy is a race for survival, and those who survive, usually have degrees.
wow that was a harsh analogy lol but you know what i mean. i am in the process of self discipline to do my homework, it really is for my own benefit.i think i will start going to the library immediately after class so i wont forget about it.
good plan.
lets see how this works, but for now all i know is that i have to pass calc.
which is sad that one class could potentially be my demise, almost.
other than that im alright :) Kevin and I are registered at three places, and i know we will be fine! he moves in next weekend, to his apartment, and shortly after this school year will be over, and i will have a job to raise money for various needs, including a honeymoon! i have several ideas in mind, and not enough space and time to put them into action. but i feel confident that my God will take care of me, he always has, and i dont think he will ever stop, there have been times when i thought my life was ending, but then i realize that hey, its not the end of the world.... (although if it was that would be ok since heaven is awesome!ive heard)

just a thought...

alright, so today is sunday.

this morning i was in church, and the pastor said something that really caught my attention. Ive heard it before many times but today it got to me.

"you only love God as much as the person you like least" he was referring to the fact that Gods will in our lives is to love Him, and also love people the way he loves them.

i dont know about you guys but im sure we can all think of at least one person were not that fond of. for me, this person has never striked me as someone i would get along with. so you could say that i really dislike them. which makes me heartbroken to think that i only love God as much as this person. i cant help but try to figure out ways to get over my problem with them.

sometimes its hard to view people as children of God, and have a heart for them when they just arent someone u want to be around...I honestly think that im going to need the Big Mans help on this one. which is ok since he is almighty!

it will require some effort and be difficult at times but ive decided that the next time i see this person i will be nothing but friendly and caring towards them. and I will pray for strength to not only tolerate but learn to embrace this person. so youre prayers will be useful too!

i know we all have people like this in our lives, so i encourage you to befriend an enemy!

boredom

Do you ever have days when you are so completely bored? whether you may have some small things that you need to take care of or not...thats where i am. come join me! seriously. Ive been doing nothing for the past two hours except for alternating between the usual web pages i browse daily.
it is a day when i have nothing more to do, i honestly dont know what to do with myself. theres noone for me to hang with, and so that marks out everything on the list that you must do with friends, like shopping, and such. plus i have no money, so i couldnt buy anything anyway. i could watch a movie i suppose...although ive seen all the ones here about 3 times each...i could read but i just packed up my book yesterday in an attempt to avoid having alot of things to take home at the end of the year ( which is about 18 day away( not including weekends) right now)
my wedding dress came in monday! so thats good...um... gah...im sitting here just listening to music...i really wish i had more close friends here... not that i have no friends, but i am very picky as to who i hang out with as good friends, i think everyone should be.
haha this boredom would be so dead if i had like 100$ i could just waste. well i wouldnt waste it, it would go towards Kevins apartment, u know, decorations and such well idk more like appliances haha, yep a hundred bucks would be pretty sweet right about now. i desperately need a job, but its so close to the end of the year it would be practically pointless anyway.
it dangerous for me to be alone and bored like this lol this week i had a calc test and lab, those were the main things to get through, and they are over now. so...idk. if i werent on this salad diet i would treat myself to a cheap mexican dinner... maybe thats what i will do in two weeks when its done... yes guys im so bored i would go to a mexican restaurant all by myself.
i mean technically i could start on my book report. and if my teachers loved me at all they would have made it due for monday so i would have motivation plus something to do or at least start on today...i am a very bad procrastinator... its not a good habit, but i mean come on the book report is due the very last day of class...idk maybe ill take a look at it.maybe.
other than being bored tho, i am extremely blessed :] dont get me wrong, not everything works out perfectly for me. at least in my eyes. but im sure there are people who need the things i want more than i do, things like scholarships and a job, and friends. lol just kidding, friends are wonderful to have. anyway yes i am very blessed. as i look around me i see an ipod, an awesome purse, textbooks, a bed, and of course a computer, now im not saying that material items are what you need in order to be happy at all, clearly i cannot take them to heaven with me, i also have a loving mom, great fiance, and some amazing friends. really, i have nothing to complain about... some people have to work two or three jobs just to support their families, i bet they would like to be bored sometimes... see? this is why i think i decided to start blogging, not that i knew it then, but i get on here and sometimes try to talk about how my life isnt great, but then once i start typing i come to the completely opposite conclusion.
so im going to go find something to do, and hopefully remember how blessed i am next time im this bored :) byeee!

chalking the sidewalk

this has been a fun weekend!
let me just give you a rundown.
friday i came home, spent an hour with my loving fiance, then he went to work and i spent time with my mom around the house. when kevin came home from work we started watching sherlock holmes, it was wonderful, we had a "movie night" so sweet. saturday mom went out, tony went out,and kevin went to work and i was home alone alot of the day my best friend kirsten came over and we watched the disney channel! she left and Kevin came home from work and we watched couples retreat, both movies i have mentioned were pretty good btw!
anyway so today. Kevin and i went to church, he had to leave early for SAY IT WITH ME. work. lol let me just say tho that i am really proud of him for becoming a part of the praise band :)
anyway i went over to the church where hopefully my wedding will be held. and put in a request to reserve the church.then caught up with my cousin for a while. ive been trying to track down pictures for a photo contest at school.i grabbed my lil bro and we were off to find pollution!haha thats the category.
so we ran around, then came home, i visited kevin at work, and then me and tony went to Elk shoals. where the sun felt nice lol altho the breeze was a lil too much for me, anyway we found this big stick, id say it was 8 ft tall or MORE lol and we also saw kevins mom and two sisters! lots of pics! so when it started to get darker, we packed our things and left. we came home and enjoyed some of moms rice and corn! now we are all having down time, and kevin gets off of work at 8 :)
Im very thankful for Kevin, hes been there for me and loyal. I really couldnt ask for a better man to spend the rest of my life with...I know from experience that guys like Kevin are very rare. which is why i appreciate him so much. I honestly feel like it is in Gods will for my life to be with him. which is a good thing that were getting married!
anyway life seems pretty great right now. but doesnt it seem like that can change in just a matter of seconds? just this morning i heard that someone i knew had died. given that she was older. but still it seems that life can be here one day and then gone the next, its crazy... very strange to think, actually think about. it doesnt scare me. In fact, sometimes i wish Jesus would come back, so i could go to heaven, where there is NOTHING to worry about. i think about that, and then i realize that im alive for a reason, so until that day comes i will enjoy life, trials, and beautiful relationships, and all. to fulfill my purpose here, love my close ones, and live to the extent of my ability.